Jessica Alba Wins "Most Embarrassing Latina"

Jessica Alba has won Guanabee's poll for Most Embarrassing Latino/a. Voters cited the Mexican-American's lack of acting talent, terrible movie choices and denunciation of her latinidad as qualifications for the dubious prize. The following Alba quotes alone probably won her the award:

"I've got cousins galore. Mexicans just spread all their seeds. And the women just pop them out."

"My grandfather was the only Mexican at his college, the only Hispanic person at work and the only one at the all-white country club. He tried to forget his Mexican roots, because he never wanted his kids to be made to feel different in America. He and my grandmother didn't speak Spanish to their children. Now, as a third-generation American, I feel as if I have finally cut loose."

"I had a very American upbringing, I feel American, and I don't speak Spanish. So, to say that I'm a Latin actress, OK, but it's not fitting; it would be insincere. If you're going to look genetically, I'm actually less Latin than Cameron Diaz, whose father is from Cuba. But she's not getting called a Latin actress, because she's got blond hair and blue eyes."

"George Lopez starts speaking to my father in Spanish [at an awards show], and my dad says, ‘I don’t speak Mexican.’"

Rosario Dawson Is a "Nerdy" Latina

In light of our current class discussion about comics and graphic novels, I was recently interested to find that the actress Rosario Dawson, who is part Cuban and Puerto Rican, is a huge fan of comics and even created a comic book miniseries called "Occult Crimes Taskforce" (which is also going to be turned into a movie next year). Dawson is also apparently a Trekkie who speaks some Klingon. I think this is interesting, because Latinos (and especially Latinas) are not usually thought of as having so-called "nerdy" interests. For instance, Junot Díaz's new book The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao is considered groundbreaking because of its portrayal of a Dominican-American "geek."

Mala Noche

After being disturbed by the creepy obsession depicted in Gus Van Sant's film Mala Noche, I did some research to try to understand it better. I was surprised to find that it's based on an autobiographical novella by Walt Curtis, on whom the character of Walt in the movie is based. I wonder how much of the novella, and subsequently the film, was actually based in reality, because it's hard for me to understand that such an obsessive, condescending and exploitative person could actually exist. I also thought it was interesting when I found that Van Sant is also gay and living in Portland. I wonder if he was able to identify with Walt at all because of those commonalities.

Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen?

I kind of can't believe this show is real. Aren't green card marriages purely for the sake of citizenship totally illegal? Aren't there green card marriage investigators that go around making sure marriages to immigrants are actually legit? I guess reality TV producers are scraping the bottom of the barrel now...

Journalistic Clichés Regarding Latinas

I really liked Guanabee's observation of stereotypical descriptions the press often uses for Latinas: "voluptuous" no matter what their size, "brooding and mysterious" or "hot and spicy." The editors specifically took issue with Page Six's recent description of Penelope Cruz as a "hot tamale," even though tamales are a typically Mexican dish and Cruz is from Spain.

Love in the Time of Cholera

I'm kind of interested to see Love in the Time of Cholera (once it comes out on Netflix, and after I've actually read the book), since it has been pretty universally panned by critics. I think it's interesting that a masterpiece by one of the most beloved Latin-American writers was adapted for the screen by Brits. According to the New York Times reviewer, that was the cause of the movie's downfall. In addition, it starred an Italian actress, which many felt was an error in casting. Apparently John Leguizamo wasn't a great casting choice, either. The Los Angeles Times said, "Leguizamo is painful to watch...he can take the Colombian out of Queens but he can't seem to take Queens, even in the late 1800s, out of the Colombian." Ouch.

Salma Hayek's "Regalo de Dios"

Because I've mentioned this topic once before, I thought it was hilarious when a report popped up this week that Salma Hayek said her breasts were a gift from God.

"Puse mis manos en el agua bendita y dije: 'Por favor, Dios, me da unos pechos. ¡Y él me lo dio! En pocos meses desarrollé una creciente pechonalidad... me quedé muy satisfecha con la manera como ellos crecieron."
"I put my hands in the holy water and said, 'Please, God, give me breasts. And he gave them to me! In a few months, I developed a growing chest...I was very satisfied with the way they grew."

The media is reporting it like she was completely serious, but I feel like that was a total tongue-in-cheek answer. I guess joking is a good way to get the plastic surgery police off your back...or chest?